[00:00:04] Welcome to Transform and Lead. I'm Bron Stephens, ex CEO turned executive coach who is all about women uplifting women. I know what it's like to question whether your way of leading is enough. You've worked hard, you're ambitious, and you want to do big things without having to fit into someone else's mould. This podcast is here to give you practical, powerful ways to own your ambition, femininity and power so that you can lead with confidence your way.
[00:00:31] Hi and welcome back to Transform and Lead. I'm Bron Stephens and today we're talking about something that comes up nearly every coaching conversation I have with women in leadership. Let's talk about the kind of feedback that's quietly shaping the way women lead. The subtle nudges to shrink, adjust, lead more like a man, because that's what's been role model promoted and rewarded. And that message is so ingrained and it shapes what leadership looks like even when women are in the top roles. Right now, women make up just 28% of C Suite positions. So no, it's not yet the norm for leadership to reflect the way that women normally lead. And that's because it's not been role modelled that way. It's not been praised that way, it's not been promoted that way. In fact, we've only just now reached the point where women in the C suite are at an all time high of 28%. So it's not the norm for women to be leaders, especially at the most senior levels. But here's the thing. You don't need to reinvent yourself as a man to lead powerfully. You just need to remember who you are and stop shrinking to fit rooms that were never designed for you.
Let's be honest, most leadership advice for women still carries a subtle message. Be more male, be more masculine, be more assertive, be more confident, be less emotional, be more direct, be more strategic. And it's exhausting. And even at the top, I see women questioning themselves. Not because they don't know what they're doing, but because the system has told them that natural way of leading isn't quite right. And that's because the system's not designed for them. You know what would be super cool? If instead men were told to apologize more, listen more, empathize more, collaborate more, consider broader perspectives. And sure, maybe that's starting to happen at a broad societal level. But in one on ones in real time performance reviews, they're still being told that they're doing it right. And that's because these are again, the behaviors that are being role modelled and seen as the standard, and that's the script that everyone's going by and women are still being given notes to adjust around it. And I've lived this too. I spent years leading large teams and organizations and delivering big results and still being told I needed to be harder, more decisive, express less joy, laugh less, be more directive, tone down the emotion. And I've seen it and I've lived the toll that that takes, not just professionally, but personally. And so today I want to offer you a different lens, a way back to yourself and some tangible habits to support your confidence from the inside out, where you're no longer trying to fit into a system that's not designed for you.
Let's start with research, because I know many of you listening, want evidence and you like data. So here it is. A Harvard study found that women actually score higher than men in 17 of 19 leadership competencies, including resilience, collaboration, emotional intelligence and initiative, as well as all of the traits that are traditionally masculine. These aren't soft skills, they're core traits linked to leadership effectiveness. But despite this, women are still only holding 28% of the C suite roles globally. And when we do get there, the feedback that we receive is often telling us to change, to soften our tone, to collaborate more, to adjust, to lead more, like the men around us, whilst also not wanting us to be like the men around us, so telling us to be less aggressive and less emotional. And I can tell you when you see an angry man, that's an emotional man. And so it's no wonder so many women end up performing leadership instead of inhabiting it and trying to be more confident through force of willpower or power poses alone. And whilst there's a place for a power pose, they're not going to change how you perceive yourself and they're not going to build your confidence. In fact, they drain it. They're about the external you. And worse, the more we shrink to fit the mold, the longer the current status quo remains. So I'm inviting you to take up space and change the expectation with some tools to help you along the way.
What builds confidence? Ownership. And ownership starts with noticing. So let me give you a few practices to try this week. Firstly, notice when you shrink. Noticing is the first step. Do you pad your opinions and do you say yes when your gut says to say no? Do you wait to speak up until it's the perfect opportunity or until you're sure that you're right? Look for these moments that are showing up in your leadership and in your day. Because when you are aware of it, you can start to change it. And the way to start changing it is to start celebrating the noticing. Seriously, when you catch yourself, don't criticize yourself. Celebrate that you've noticed what's happening and say to yourself, there it is, I see you playing small. Give yourself a high five. Do all of the fun things that come with celebration. When you see yourself doing these things that are diminishing you. And the reason to do that is not because you're celebrating diminishing yourself, but because you're recognizing what's happening. And these small moments are how we shift patterns. That celebration rewires your neural networks to make you start to want to know that that's happening. And then when you know it's happening, you can start to change it. Then you want to get curious, so you want to ask yourself, what am I afraid will happen if I stay full sized in this moment? What might happen if I go all in and am all me?
When you're aware of it happening, you can start to get curious about what's happening and really build an understanding so that you can start to shift and change.
And then I want you to just say the thing, do the thing, drop the qualifiers. No more I just think or this might be wrong, but just say what you believe and own it. Put it out there. Stop trying to shrink in those moments and start trying to step into yourself. I want you to start tracking your energy, not just your output. So asking, did I stay in my power today? Not just did I get everything done? And asking yourself, did I stay in my power today? Is a really great way again to build awareness, but also to think about how powerful you are and how much value you bring in your leadership. And finally, I want you to start leading from your values. Leading, like yourself, isn't indulgent, it's necessary. It's what creates trust, alignment and real sustained influence with your teams and the people around you.
And if you're listening to this thinking, that's what I want, but I don't quite know how to get there. You are not alone. This is exactly the work that I do with my clients and I like to normalize this because again, this is the experience of a lot of women out there. And if it's not your experience, that's fantastic. Go and help uplift women who are living this way. And if you want support to lead with more confidence, more clarity, and more of you reach out. You do not have to figure it all out on your own. I have a ton of free resources. I do a lot of work on LinkedIn to help in this space. And I also obviously coach women, so I can help you in a number of ways. You can contact me through my
[email protected] or connect with me on LinkedIn. Thank you so much for joining me today. I know this is a bit of a short one, but I just wanted to give you some real, tangible tools to start leading more like yourself and step into your power. So I hope this episode has left you feeling a little more seen and a lot more powerful. Have a great day.
